stuff i heard

stuff 1

woman: did you hear about auntie's death?
man: i heard. hit by lighting.
woman: on her way to work! isn't that such a shock?
man: literally.

stuff 2

girl 1: the groom is such a loser. the bride got her "period" on the day of the wedding.
girl 2: but isn't the bride a virgin?
girl 1: well, yeah, but what's that got to do with anything?
girl 2: well, then she was meant to bleed anyway.