forgive me, brad, for i have sinned.

(a delayed reaction to my thursday viewing of troy.)

a long time ago, i made a pact with brad, that no bad words shall pass between us. i kept my mouth shut when cool world debuted. looked the other way when you took your iffy irish accent for a ride in devil's own. and there was the mexican - i had to bite my lip when that one premiered. i think i even drew blood. and now this. the greek (and hollywood) tragedy that is troy. the time has come for me to break my vow of silence.

cousin, scully and i had dubbed this offering a "romantic comedy" - this as we were laughing half the time and rolling our eyes at all the sickly sweet platitudes the rest of the way. during one of the highly anticipated fight scenes, scully whispered to me, "why is achilles jumping all over the place?" well, sweet, i think he was blinding you with the sight of his golden butt, hoping such haunting glimpses of toned cheeks will make you forget about demanding your money back. and i admit, i felt embarrassed about asking for a refund when i partook quite freely of the brad/orly/eric buffet.

but to say that the illiad inspired troy would be like saying that batman inspired the porno-flick buttman. the names sound familiar, but you don't remember there being so much sex in the original. was never a fan of greek mythology - but still! the liberties hollywood took! the early deaths of agamemnon and menelaus! the "cousin" patroclos! turning achilles's nymph mom into a common jeweler! painting the majestic achilles as nothing more than a no-good fame-whore! hollywood has gone too far, dragging my poor brad behind its chariot of empty hype.

anyway.

brad, forgive me for thinking bad thoughts. i hope this pseudo-review of mine won't change anything. i'll still watch ocean's twelve and mr. and mrs. smith. and i hope, when the script and lighting are just right, you'll find it in your heart to bare your ass once more.