Helpless is a four-letter word

My life has been extra weird lately. My mom is sick. And I feel lost. Helpless, hopeless. I've been going to work as much as I can, whenever trips to the hospital have been delayed. But it's been impossible to function normally. I wake up in the middle of the night, crying. I keep thinking of all the shoes I've bought over the years, thinking I should have just, I don't know, put the money in the bank, for rainy days like these. I keep thinking thirty is too young to be an orphan. And I keep thinking about my eight-year-old brother, and I couldn't help but cry a little bit harder then.

I've been buying lotto tickets recently. This, I think, is a testament to how hopeless my life has become.